Posts from May 2016

Pics Post | The Summer Wind

May 28, 2016

The big girl!

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I love this next one because CURLS!0F5A8203

This smile belongs to Gillies and Gillies alone.0F5A8219

I die.
0F5A8294I die again.

About 27 times a day I say…”Maisie…are you being sneaky???”  This is the face I get in return.

Mommy, I’m veryyyyy sneaky….0F5A8284

An Update

May 24, 2016


toddler1 toddler2

What I would like to say about our lives at the moment is holy crapola we are all of a sudden living smack dab in the middle of Toddlerville.  Maisie is very active.  She is VERY opinionated.  And she is very, very cute.  And boy does she know it.

She is so attached me lately.  Like, I’m not allowed to be more than 7 feet away from her at any moment.  Can’t believe I was ever worried about her not knowing that I am her Mama.  Her favorite word to say is “Dada.”  Joe is Dada.  I am Dada (Maisie has two Daddies!), pretty much anything in her sight line is “Dada.”  She loves our ceiling fans, she loves pointing at things she wants and “expressing herself” if she can’t have them.  She loves trying to pull the card out of the cable box.  She loves bolting towards the stairs.  She is sneaky.  She is smart.  She is testing her boundaries.

She is so, so loved.

Some Admin – It’s been a pretty long time since I posted.  The adult issues in our life have been particularly stressful and adulty and I just haven’t had the energy or mental space to write here.

Something strange happens when you share intimate details about your life on the internet.  The line dividing subject matter into an “off limits” category can get blurry.  But it’s still a line.

I started this blog over a year ago hoping to neatly document and preserve memories for my family.  I imagined my future self talking a digital stroll down memory lane someday.  I imagined her feeling so thankful to have such an easy way to access snippets of our life as a young family.

But then Maisie was born and things got really weird.  I couldn’t EFFING believe how hard being a Mom was and I had a lot to say on the matter.

Maybe I got side tracked.  Maybe I started writing posts with other new Moms in mind, rather than my own family.

Either way – I’m trying to refocus and move forward.

P.S.  Hey future Cat – Remember these days?  It was the best of times it was the worst of times, amIrighttttt?  What was that?  You’re a size 4 now!!???  We will win the lottery!!!???  Woooooooo!!!!!!  Yes, I’m trying to soak in our toddler girl before she gets much bigger.  It’s not easy but I’M TRYING!!!

P.P.S.  There has never been a more bizarre person alive than the author of this blog.

Pics Post | 1st Birthday Roundup

May 10, 2016

Here are a few pictures of Maisie’s birthday and the grand fiesta that followed a few days later, if you’d like to see…

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Maisie’s party was pretty much the photographic failure of my life.  It was such a whirlwind,  I really didn’t have time to take pictures!


It’s over.  We made it.  Happy Birthday, Maisie!

Monthly Maisie | One Year

May 5, 2016


I cannot believe it.  You’re 1!  How did we get here!?  When I look back on your first year it all seems like a blur.  

Remember that maddy baddy saddy afternoon out on the deck?  I know you don’t but I definitely do.  You were 3 weeks old and Daddy had just gone back to work.  You wouldn’t stop crying and I didn’t know why so I took you in the backyard in a panic.  The warm June air snapped you out of it and I said…”I don’t know how to be a Mommy yet and you don’t know how to be a baby yet – but we gotta stick together, okay?”  And we did.  Look as us now!  We made it!

Maisie, do you know how amazing you are?  Daddy and I pretend to be modest when we receive compliments about you but the truth is we sometimes lay in bed at night looking at your pictures and whispering to each other about how cool you are.  How beautiful you are.  How smart you are.  How funny you are.   

You just make us so proud.  And happy!  You make us laugh.  Like, really laugh.  You challenge us.  You force us to be better.  Better parents, better partners, better people.  And for that I am so thankful.   

Daddy will tell you that I can sometimes be too sentimental, but I just can’t help it.  On your 1st birthday I keep thinking about that day a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant.  Mommy was bleeding and had to go to the doctor to find out if you were still growing.  When the ultrasound lady put the wand on my belly she zoomed in on your heartbeat and I burst into tears.  I was so relieved that you were safe.  You were wiggling all around on the screen and Daddy and I couldn’t stop laughing.  I will never forget that moment because it was the first time I knew that I loved you.  It can be so scary to love someone as much as I love you.  You will understand someday when you are a Mommy.  When your top teefers were coming in and really hurting you I would’ve given anything to feel the pain instead.  I just want to protect you from everything, even when I know I can’t.

I could go on forever and ever but I don’t want to break the internet or embarrass you any more than I already have so I’ll wrap it up.  I hope the next year and beyond brings a million more milestones, belly laughs and silly games.  But most of all, I hope you always know how much you are loved.  I have been many things in my life.  A daughter.  A sister.  A student.  A friend.  A teammate.  A business owner.  An employee.  A wife.  Nothing has given me more sense of purpose or made me feel more fulfilled than being your Mommy.  

This day 1 year ago – your birth day – was the best day of my life.

What do I say every night when I tuck you in?…”I love you to the moon and back, my beautiful girl.  Thank you for making me a Mommy.”




This time last year…

May 2, 2016


Sigh.  My bikini modeling career was over before it even began.

Maisie’s birthday week is upon us.  Joe keeps asking me “what were we doing this time last year?”…

This time last year I was almost 39 weeks pregnant.  I was crawling towards the finish.  I was folding and refolding tiny onesies.  I was opening the cap of the baby laundry detergent and sneaking a whiff.  I was googling stories of labor induction, watching videos of women giving birth and trying to summon up the courage.  I was spending all of my waking hours daydreaming about the little girl kicking me from the inside.  I was listening to this song at least 5 times a day.  I was happy.  I was nervous.  I loved her already.

Or at least I thought I did.

Methinks there is no way for the human mind to comprehend how much love you will feel for your child until you are holding your child in your arms.  Until you are marveling at their tiny features.  Until it dawns on you that the responsibility of keeping this beautiful and innocent creature alive is resting firmly and indefinitely on your shoulders.

New parenthood has been the most thrilling, terrifying and rewarding experience of my life.  When Maisie turns 1 on Thursday, I guess I should stop calling myself a “new Mom.”  I guess I’m graduating.  I guess my baby will be a toddler.  I guess we survived.  I guess I can’t really remember what life was like before she was here.  I guess I don’t want to.

I don’t know what the future holds for this blog.  Tidbits of life with a toddler, I suppose.  I’m excited to see what the next few months have in store for our little family.  But a nostalgic and weepy part of me would give anything for 15 minutes of snuggling with this girl.  And that part of me is asking – “Did I even enjoy it?”  “Did I smell her head enough?”  “Did I really appreciate how tiny and sweet she was?”

It was all such a chaotic blur.

To answer your question, Joe Dugan, this time last year I was prepared.  But I wasn’t ready.  Not by a mile.

Big News!

May 2, 2016

S00000000 guess who took her first steps today?????????

Way to go, Maisie!  What a little hero!

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