Notes for Maisie

Our turn

January 19, 2017



Daddy says in every group of 5 or 6 men, there’s always one.  One that will speak about women like they are nothing more than objects to be desired.  I used to pray that you would never have to hear this language or understand the meaning behind it, but you will.  I used to pray that you would never have vile things shouted at you from a passing trunk or construction site, but you will.  I used to pray that you would never be made to feel like you are worth less than someone else because you are a female, but you will.  I stopped saying these prayers because I cannot control the world outside of our home and I cannot protect you from everything.   

So instead I pray that you become a smart, strong and self-assured woman.  

God, please let her always know that her true worth will never be determined by the amount of boys chasing her (or not chasing her) in the 10th grade.  

God, please never let an unsolicited opinion about her body define how she feels about herself.  

God, please let her find confidence within herself before seeking it from someone else.  

God, please let the fierce, smart and stubborn toddler I see in front of me retain these characteristics as a girl, teen and woman.

I will pray for you, my strong girl.  I will pray and I will join millions of like-minded women and men across the country and march on Saturday.  I am not marching against any one small minded, small handed person.  

My Maisie girl, I am marching for you.



p.s….Aunt Laura started it!

Full Time Working Mom Confessions | Volume II

October 24, 2016


Somewhere in a parallel universe I am doing this.

It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last.

I have been alive for 32 years and there is one thing I know to be an absolute truth: having to leave my sick child and go to work is the purest form of torture I’ve ever experienced.

Maisie has a double ear infection and spiked a high (104!) fever over the weekend.  I ran her to the pediatrician and got some antibiotics to pair with the Tylenol we’ve been giving her around the clock.  Thankfully, her fever broke yesterday and she seemed to finally be feeling better this morning…so…we sent her to daycare today.

I feel like a monster even typing that sentence out.  But with limited sick time and the winter germ season approaching Joe and I need to be really careful about when we use our time off.  Because the truth of the matter is we could get a call next Tuesday morning that she has a stomach bug and we need to pick her up immediately.  Or she could wake up in a month from now on a Monday and have another fever.

So at 6:30 a.m. this morning, I had to choose between my natural instincts as a Mother and my standing and job security at my place of employment.  Sidebar – I would have loved to be one of those question asker people at the presidential debates.  Because, you better believe, my “question” would’ve turned into an 18 minute tirade about the lower middle class struggle.  We’re down here man!  We work and pay our taxes and everything.  HALP!!!!

That’s really all I have to say about this issue.  That no matter how balanced things can sometimes feel, when Maisie gets sick it instantly falls apart.  That on my way to work this morning I cried as hard as I did on my first day back from maternity leave.  That I wish she were older and could understand why I can’t be with her.

Maisie, I’m so sorry. 

I noticed something today.

September 13, 2016



I guess it’s been true for a while….weeks or maybe even months.  It’s been true, right here under my nose and I didn’t see it.  I wouldn’t see it.  

Last weekend I sorted through bags of big-girl clothes from cousin Claire and Lila – not thinking much of it other than you would grow into them at some point this fall.  But now you’re wearing them.  And, for the record, these big-girl clothes are NOT big on you.  Daddy has been sending me his daily “outfit approval?” text pictures each morning this week and I can finally see it now.

Maisie!  You’re not a baby anymore.  

Not even a little bit.  Not even an in-between!

You’re a little girl.  A beautiful, curious, smart and crazy little girl with perpetually skinned knees and crooked piggy tails.  You’ve got more energy than I can comprehend.  You’re funny.  You’re stubborn and strong-willed.  You’re affectionate.  You light up any room you enter.  You’re my buddy.

And would you believe that, for once, Mommy is just too excited to feel sad about you getting so big!?  I can’t wait to see what the next few years will bring.  I’ve already started obsessively researching dance and other local activities for 2 year olds.  Besides – I’ve got some very cliched news for you sister gurrrlll, whether you are 16 months or 16 years – you are always going to be my baby.

So that’s all.  No ridiculous emotions or added mushy paragraphs.  Let the record just show that today Mommy finally saw you, my big girl Maisie.  To infinity, and beyond!

Love you to the moon,


Monthly Maisie | One Year

May 5, 2016


I cannot believe it.  You’re 1!  How did we get here!?  When I look back on your first year it all seems like a blur.  

Remember that maddy baddy saddy afternoon out on the deck?  I know you don’t but I definitely do.  You were 3 weeks old and Daddy had just gone back to work.  You wouldn’t stop crying and I didn’t know why so I took you in the backyard in a panic.  The warm June air snapped you out of it and I said…”I don’t know how to be a Mommy yet and you don’t know how to be a baby yet – but we gotta stick together, okay?”  And we did.  Look as us now!  We made it!

Maisie, do you know how amazing you are?  Daddy and I pretend to be modest when we receive compliments about you but the truth is we sometimes lay in bed at night looking at your pictures and whispering to each other about how cool you are.  How beautiful you are.  How smart you are.  How funny you are.   

You just make us so proud.  And happy!  You make us laugh.  Like, really laugh.  You challenge us.  You force us to be better.  Better parents, better partners, better people.  And for that I am so thankful.   

Daddy will tell you that I can sometimes be too sentimental, but I just can’t help it.  On your 1st birthday I keep thinking about that day a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant.  Mommy was bleeding and had to go to the doctor to find out if you were still growing.  When the ultrasound lady put the wand on my belly she zoomed in on your heartbeat and I burst into tears.  I was so relieved that you were safe.  You were wiggling all around on the screen and Daddy and I couldn’t stop laughing.  I will never forget that moment because it was the first time I knew that I loved you.  It can be so scary to love someone as much as I love you.  You will understand someday when you are a Mommy.  When your top teefers were coming in and really hurting you I would’ve given anything to feel the pain instead.  I just want to protect you from everything, even when I know I can’t.

I could go on forever and ever but I don’t want to break the internet or embarrass you any more than I already have so I’ll wrap it up.  I hope the next year and beyond brings a million more milestones, belly laughs and silly games.  But most of all, I hope you always know how much you are loved.  I have been many things in my life.  A daughter.  A sister.  A student.  A friend.  A teammate.  A business owner.  An employee.  A wife.  Nothing has given me more sense of purpose or made me feel more fulfilled than being your Mommy.  

This day 1 year ago – your birth day – was the best day of my life.

What do I say every night when I tuck you in?…”I love you to the moon and back, my beautiful girl.  Thank you for making me a Mommy.”




And it’s more than I hoped for.

April 28, 2016


The last few days I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.

Thinking about a girl and a boy sitting on a futon in a college dorm room.  I’ve been wanting to tell them things about their future.  Tell them that this chance meeting and this casual friendship is the beginning of something huge.

I’ve been thinking about a young couple in love…out and about on a Saturday night.  I want to have a drink with them, bask in their effortless happiness and tell them to keep it up.  To live wildly and freely.

And I’ve been thinking about a pair of innocent newlyweds filled with hope and ambition…I want to tell them that the road ahead will take them on highs, lows and everywhere in between – and sooner than they think.

I’ve been thinking about two pretend adults with the weight of the world on their shoulders.  I’ve been thinking about that amazing baby girl sleeping upstairs.  I’ve been thinking about how lucky they are to have her, and to have each other.  I’ve been thinking they are wealthy beyond measure.

Maisie, I’ve been thinking that I hope you are lucky enough to find one just like him.  

Pic Post | The Biggest, Bluest Eyes

April 3, 2016


Photos courtesy of Peahead Prints Photography

When I was a little girl my Dad took us to to the beach all.the.time.  There were one or two summers where it felt like we went every weekend.  My Mom would happily ship us off with a cooler full of sandwiches and we would literally spend all day there.

I loved it.

My younger brothers and I would swim and boogie board for hours while my Dad sipped Budweisers and (I can only assume) pondered the meaning of life.  Inevitably around 5 o’clock he would tell us to start packing up.  We would always complain that 5 o’clock was the best time to be at the beach.  The crowds were gone and the sun would soften and sink in the sky turning the previously muddy green ocean into an amazing deep blue.

Maisie, when you were born and I saw your eyes – I saw the ocean at 5 o’clock.  When you were 11 months old I took you to get your picture taken and I saw them anew.  I still can’t believe how beautiful you are.  

Maisie @ 9 Months

February 8, 2016

A little late with this one because ummmmmm didn’t I just do this like 4 days ago?  Maisie!  Stop growing up!


Size:  12 month clothing, size 4 diapers.  At her 9 month well visit she was in the 98th% for height, 95th% for head and 90th% for weight.  My big girl!

Likes:  Going to the Baby Gym with Mommy on the weekends, playing with Poland Spring water bottles and ELMO (still).

Dislikes:  Having her diaper and/or clothing changed.  It is a full-on wrestling match these days.  I usually teeter back and forth between trying to distract her with a toy to keep her happy and just doing it as quickly as possible so she’ll stop screaming.

New Skillz:  Crawling!  Waving and high-fiving (my favorite thing ever).


Maisie and her posse

Monthly Tidbits:  Maisie is a popular girl at school!  Joe has been telling me these tales of glory about daycare drop off for months about how all the other kids will see him walk in with her, stop whatever they are doing and run over yelling “Maisie! Maisie! Maisie!”  I’ll admit, I initially thought he might be exaggerating a bit, until the photo evidence started pouring in.  So hilarious.


I’ll love you forever.  I’ll like you for always.  As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.

Also, have I mentioned how much I love this child?  She is just such a cool, funny and happy baby.  A few nights ago we were snuggling up before her bedtime and she leaned her forehead right onto mine, so I gave her an eskimo kiss.  She leaned back, smiled wildly at me and then leaned in again for another one.  After the third or fourth repeat I just had to grab a few blurry selfies.  These are the things I never want to forget.  This is why I’m writing this blog.  My God, she just melts me.

Maisie, it’s a privilege to be your Mama.

Boogies are the new black

February 3, 2016


What are you lookin’ at?

So Maisie has now had a runny nose for over a month.  No cough.  No fever.  No ear infection.  Just this stinkin’ boogie nose.  It runs and runs all day and night and when I’m home with her I usually give up on wiping it sometime around noon.  I even tried giving her saline spray, which doesn’t seem to do much other than royally piss her off.

We saw my parents over the weekend who were reminiscing about the fact that as a baby, I also had a constant runny nose that would last pretty much the whole winter.  Ironically it seems I am to blame after all for these boogies that have been driving me insane for weeks.

Sigh.  It must be said that if my biggest current gripe is baby boogers, then all is well.

Maisie, you are the cutest little boogie nose I ever did see! 🙂

Self Esteem in 2016 | A New Mirror

January 4, 2016

A few weeks ago I posted about my New Year’s Resolution for 2016: to be a better role model for Maisie by learning how to love myself.  A lofty goal for sure, considering the status of my non-existent self esteem.  And, to be honest, I had no idea how to go about achieving it.  A snap of the fingers and I’m magically okay with the way I look?  Doubtful.

But then the solution kind of fell right into my lap.  During an Oprah-esq talking session about raising confident girls with my bestie, I realized something.  A realization that inserted giant ridiculous tears into our previously benign conversation.

Right now, Maisie’s view of me is so pure.  So completely untainted by cultural standards or the media.  And she loves the way I look!0F5A9656

She is making this face simply because I am smiling at her.  The same smile I spent years trying to cover because it embarrassed me.  Just one item on a long list of things I hated about my appearance.  But she doesn’t care that I have crooked teeth.  She just wants me to smile at her.  Sigh, I can barely type the words without getting emotional.

Methinks this will still be a long, uphill process.  But now on my very worst days I have a coping mechanism – the ability to look at myself through a different mirror.  The one Maisie has so sweetly provided.  And what I see in that mirror is a nurturing, strong, intelligent, creative, driven, beautiful and funny woman.

As for the future, all I can do is hope.  Hope that I can return the favor someday, if the need ever arrises.  Hope that I can lift her spirits and make sure she knows how beautiful she is.

Because, my Maisie girl, you are beautiful.  Inside and out, kid.

I can’t be a cool Mom because I love her too much

November 12, 2015



Sigh.  Feeling like the Mommiest Mom on the planet these last few days after a health scare with Maisie (she’s fine for now though – knock wood!).  My prior plans to be a super chill and laid-back Mom are starting to look more and more pathetic.  On a positive note, I’ve decided to embrace it.  I’ve already started practicing making my voice really annoying and saying “PUT A COAT ON IT’S COLD OUT THERE!!!”

Probably the thing I most underestimated about being a parent is how insanely terrifying it can be.  I just love Maisie so much.  Too much.  And it makes me feel more vulnerable than I ever have in my life because as much as I wish it to be true, I can’t protect her from everything.  Horrible illnesses and freak accidents happen every single day to good people all over the world.  This gig is straight up petrifying and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it except hug her a little tighter and say some extra prayers at night.  Methinks by the time we get to dating and drivers licenses I will be heavily medicated in a padded room somewhere.

Maisie – Although it may seem impossible to believe, I was like you once.  I was young and free and careless too.  And I was convinced that my Mom didn’t understand me either.  I went after the wrong boys.  I got horrible tattoos.  I rebelled.  And it all led me to you.  To right here and now.  To losing sleep because I love you too much.  So when it seems like I’m the worst, like I don’t understand ANYTHING and I’m unfair, it’s probably all rooted in that one same simple and undeniable fact – I love you too much. 

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